Words of Comfort for the Elderly, the Sick and the Dying + Practical Resources: Symptoms of Grief in the Dying and the Bereaved

  
    I have lost track of the number of people I know who are dealing with sudden illnesses and loss of family, friends and loved ones, or who are taking care of elderly parents these days. Regardless of their spiritual beliefs, a common thread that ties everyone together is what to say when their loved ones express their fears or concerns about what happens after they pass--and, even what to say to themselves during such stressful times.  

    Many, of course, have great faith and no doubt in their hearts that they will be going to heaven to be with Jesus and/or their family members who have gone before them; or to a place of peace and rest. 

    But, not everyone is so sure.  Even folks who have studied the teachings of the Ascended Masters for years might have moments of panic, fear or doubt:

 ~What if they don't ascend?
 ~What if they don't see the angels when they come?
 ~What about the spouse and loved ones they leave behind?
 ~What if they have to reincarnate?

     These are all legitimate questions and deserve comforting, truthful answers. Wondering exactly what a minister would recommend in such situations, I contacted a friend of mine who is a minister and counselor with years of experience. Here are some of the highlights of what she shared with me:

  You can tell a person that "He/she is in God's hands and that God has everything mapped out for them and their spouse. God has it all planned out. And, if they're familiar with the Hail Mary*, it is also a comforting prayer."

    Simple and comforting words---yet, something that might not come to your mind when you are in the middle of such a situation. It takes the guesswork out of it for the family member/caretaker and puts the person right back where they came from--the heart and hands of the Lord.

    With that inspired advise in mind, below are several affirmations that might be helpful to print on a regular 3x5 blank index card and offer--or have available--for family members, friends, or even yourself in times of need. Just reading through the cards several times a day may be most comforting, and strengthen the one-on-one connection of the heart and soul of those in need with the heart and Spirit of the Creator:

• I AM in God's hands. 
• ____ and I are in God's hands. 
• I AM grateful! 
• God has everything mapped out for me. 
• God has everything mapped out for ____ and me. 
• The Will of God is good. 

Many thanks to my minister friend for her advice!



*Traditional Hail Mary or:

    Hail, Mary, full of grace.  The Lord is with thee.  Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.  Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sons and daughters of God, now and at the hour of our victory over sin, disease and death. (How to Work with Angels, page 77).



Attribution.

[Updated:  1.4.2020]



PART II: RESOURCES:  Updated 1.5.2020 from April 30, 2015 post:

   
      If you or a family member are dying or are bereaved, consider checking out a few of the links below for articles, books and websites about the symptoms of different kinds of grief, including anticipatory grief and prolonged grief, and grief resources for adults, children and families.

Excellent Article:

Help Guide: Coping with Grief and Loss, (1.5.2020):


From Hospice Education Institute, 4.30.2015 (now closed):
   

“Dying involves the gradual adjusting to a whole series of losses and disappointments. Each loss causes grief. Very often the earlier losses are harder to cope with than dying itself.” (Colin Murray Parkes)

 “The loss of a loved person is one of the most intensely painful experiences any human being can suffer.” (John Bowlby)

*One good memory can replace years of bad memories.

*The events around the time of the death will affect the family in their grief and in future life crises.
*The tasks of grieving.
*Grief and the family.
*Grief and children

~From Recover-from-Grief.com

*Signs and symptoms of grief:  Physical signs and symptoms:  "I'm exhausted!"
*Normal effects of bereavement:  Emotional effects of bereavement:  "Are you sure I'm not going crazy?"
*Social changes:  "Where are all my friends?"
*Effects of bereavement:  "So, where was God in all of this?"
*Weird and unusual grief experiences:  "Is this bizarre, or what?" (Thinking you hear, smell or feel someone; developing his or her mannerisms or behavior.)
*When to get help:  "Do I need help?"  
*Warning signs:  Get help if this describes you!


~From WebMD

*Short list of symptoms of grief and grieving in children under age 7; in children between the ages of 7 and 12; teens and adults.


~For those who have lost a parent, family member or friend during infancy, childhood or youth, I highly recommend Never the Same, Coming to Terms with the Death of a Parent, by Donna Schuurman, Executive Director of the Dougy Center, the National Center for Grieving Children and Families, whose website offers excellent resources for grieving children and families, with Tip Sheets, podcasts (Grieving through Mother's Day), support groups, etc. fir those suffering from the loss of parents, family members or friends.

Attribution.

Original post 5/8/2012

Updated: 10/25/20

Soul Mates, Twin Flames and Weddings....

   I was looking for The Weather Channel the other night and, instead, landed on one of those shows about nasty brides, obnoxious bridesmaids and the grooms who leave them all standing at the altar. Wasn't a pleasant second in the 14 minutes I watched. Couldn't help but wonder, "What are those people thinking?!"

We've all been to weddings--and they're usually as unique as the people getting married--from the dresses and suits (or not) to the music for the ceremony and the wording of the vows to the food and location chosen for the whole event. I can't say that I've been to one yet that I haven't enjoyed!

There is, however, one that I remember more clearly than most, and that was the first "destination" wedding we attended. Everyone went south for the celebration and it was a lot of fun.

The ceremony was held in a beautiful church--I don't remember if it was an Eastern Orthodox rite or a Coptic Orthodox Church or what, but it was beautiful and so was the ceremony.

Yet, it wasn't the church that made the wedding so memorable. It was what happened inside. From the moment the processional music started, there was (for me and a few others, at least) an tangible change in the way the inside of the church felt. Initially, I just thought it was the happiness of the event and the anticipation of the bride walking down the aisle.

After following the route of the third bridesmaid (there were 7 or 8)up to the front of the church, I glanced up at the altar and saw what could only be described as a luminescent gathering of angels--wings and all--who were literally arriving from behind and to the side of the altar (from above) and forming what appeared to be one of the biggest "choirs of angels" imaginable. They appeared to be everywhere, from the floor to way up beyond the ceiling. It was incredible!

I was surprised and delighted and was going to say something about it to the person next to me, when I realized that it didn't seem like anyone else had noticed. I watched the rest of the bridesmaids walk up and kept an eye on the angels at the altar--they were still there.

Then, when the music changed and the bride entered and walked up the aisle, it seemed as if more angels came from all directions to take their places at the altar. It was something else. (For the record: I'm not one of those people who sees angels all the time and could probably count the times I have on one hand.)

The impression I got was that this wedding was a special event that was being celebrated in the heaven world--big time. The angels seemed to embody joy and solemnity at the same time--with an intense radiation of light, of gold and white and pink and other colors. They were there for the entire ceremony, until the bride and groom walked out. As soon as they exited, I looked back at the altar--and, they were gone.

Of course, I said NOTHING. About 45 minutes later, a young woman I was with said, "Did you notice all the light that came down around the altar when the music started?" I was relieved that someone else had seen it. Another young woman said, "Yes--did you see how intense it got when the bride came down the aisle and joined the groom?" Yep, we'd seen it and felt it. One of them said, "It felt like there were hundreds of angels up at the altar."

I did not go into great detail about what I had seen (at least not then), and decided against describing everything to the happy couple...lest they thought I had a couple glasses of punch before the reception!

So, what did I figure? I figured it was most likely that we had been invited to and witnessed a wedding of two people who were (are) twin flames, which is a spiritual bond that is deeper than that of soul mates. I read long ago that all of heaven rejoices when twin flames finally find each other (after many embodiments apart) and recognize each other and end up together fulfilling their divine plan.

Anyway--it is the memory of this particular wedding that often leaves me smiling.

For more information about twin flames and soul mates, I recommend reading Soul Mates and Twin Flames, by Elizabeth Clare Prophet--a best seller for decades.

Mom, Archangel Michael is blue!

Attribution

About 18 months after my husband, John, died, we seemed to hit somewhat of a plateau in our life without him. Our older daughter, Christine (no real names here) was in first grade and Claire was 3 ½. Chris horded pictures of her Dad and slept with the soft blue “Greatest Dad on Earth“ sweatshirt she had picked out for him the year before he died. Claire looked for him everywhere we went--just like a psychologist had warned me she might. She opened doors to closets and bedrooms and cupboards looking for him--in our house, in my parents‘ house, in anyone‘s house. Even in hotels. It about broke my heart every time. Apparently, she had no idea where he went, or what happened to him. All she knew was that he wasn’t there. Claire’s endless searching for her missing Dad really upset Chris, who was able to have a slightly better understanding of the permanency of death. “Mom! She thinks he’s on vacation and that he’s going to come back! Can’t you do something?!”

I had no idea what else to do--we’d been to a child psychologist a couple of times; bought puppets for play therapy and read a couple of books and had heart-to-heart talks. So, I prayed. I prayed to God for an idea about how to help my daughters deal with their Dad’s death and his absence from our daily life.

On a Saturday morning, I told them that we were going to draw pictures for Daddy (they used to draw them all the time for him to hang up in his office) and ask the angels to take them to Daddy in heaven. And, we added a prayer to Archangel Michael at bedtime and asked him to protect us and Daddy and help us see Daddy in heaven that night. We put the pictures in between the pages of our Bible and went to sleep.

The next morning, Claire got up first, came into the kitchen and asked for Cheerios. Not wanting to impose my hopes of hearing one of those incredible Angel Stories you read about in Guidepost while waiting at the doctor’s office, I got her breakfast and waited. Chris came out a few minutes later and said, “Well, Mom, did you see Dad in heaven last night?” I said, no, I hadn’t. Had she? No, she said, but she did remember being in Archangel Michael’s house, which, she said, had all blue windows, like the (stained) glass ones in churches,except a little more like crystals, and she remembered feeling safe and seeing a lot of other angels there. But Dad wasn’t with them.

Claire looked up from her bowl of Cheerios and said, “Archangel Michael is REALLY tall!” I asked her if she saw him last night and she said, “Yes! And, he’s REALLY tall!” Her eyes were wide open. I said, “Well, did you see Daddy?” “Yes. But, Mom, Archangel Michael is REALLY tall!” I said, “O.K. But, what was Daddy doing?” She said, “He was wearing a white bathrobe. But, Mom! Archangel Michael is REALLY tall! Lots taller than Daddy!” And, that was it. She went back to her Cheerios and I didn’t press her for more information, even though I would have liked to have gotten into her head and seen what she had seen.

In The Science of the Spoken Word, there is a chapter dedicated to Archangel Michael, that introduces specific prayers you can say for the protection of yourself, your family, friends, country, etc. I highly recommend you get a copy--or check out this link on Archangel Michael. The easiest prayer to learn and to say with children is the one for Traveling Protection, found on page 93:

Lord Michael before, Lord Michael behind,
Lord Michael to the right, Lord Michael to the left,
Lord Michael above, Lord Michael below,
Lord Michael, Lord Michael wherever I go!

I AM his love protecting here!
I AM his love protecting here!
I AM his love protecting here! (3x)

And, what might you visualize? Why, fiery rings of blue, of course!

Angel stories to share, anyone?

Gone at dawn

John died at dawn on a Thursday. The day before he died, he woke up at 7:21 a.m. and asked, “What time is it?” When I told him, he closed his eyes, slowly shook his head back and forth and said, “Darn.” For a minute, I couldn’t even breathe. I knew what this meant--that he would hold out one more day so that he could die at dawn.

One of the other books that John kept on his nightstand was The Chela and the Path. In one of the chapters, it describes how the angels bring in the color of the day at dawn. When I read it, I thought it sounded really neat. When John read it, dying at dawn became his goal. Since he was definitely dying, he figured, “Why not pray to die at dawn?” And, so, about two weeks before he died, he asked me if I would please start praying for him to have the opportunity to die at dawn so that he could see the angels bring in the color of the day. So, I began praying to God to grant his request, not knowing how such a request might be granted, because, you know, I had worked in a nursing home years before and most people passed on in the middle of the night when no family members were around to hold them back emotionally. Not really wanting him to die at any time of the day, and still hoping for a miracle of some sort, I ended my prayer with “according to God’s will.” I had always prayed for God’s will throughout my life, but this time, I have to admit, I was really hoping that God’s will was somewhat similar to mine. It wasn’t.

Later that night, at around 9:00, John went into a coma and a nurse from hospice came and stayed in an adjacent room. At around 1:00 a.m. on Thursday, my sister came over to be with me at his bedside. About 2 hours later, he started that horrid breathing pattern that is so difficult for the living to hear. My sister panicked somewhat and called the hospice center and they said it could last up to 3 days like that and they would send some kind of a machine over in the morning. I told her to forget that--and to get the newspaper from the kitchen and see what time dawn was the day before. She did. I told her that when it got close to the same time, we had to really start paying attention, because, knowing John, he was going to be as focused in death as he was in life. And, boy, if ever there was a guy who was determined to die at dawn, it was John.

His room was painted off-white and had a window facing the East, so we opened the curtains and waited. Sometime shortly after 6:00 a.m., the room began to literally change---accelerate-- in vibration and color. At first, it was filled with what I can only describe as what felt and looked like sparkles of light, white light, similar to the sparkles at the end of one of those hand-held sparklers we had as kids on the 4th of July. Then, the colors started filling the room--pink, purple, light gold, aqua, violet, green--colors I’m not sure to this day that I’ve seen before or since--it was as if we were standing inside a cloud of color and light. And, there seemed to be the very tangible presence of angels in the room. I mean big angels; larger than life angels, who filled the room and radiated so much love and hope and peace and warmth that I was so overwhemed for a few moments, that I forgot about John. Thank God my sister was there--because she was experiencing and seeing everything that I was. We were speechless. It was as if we were in a different compartment of time and space, even though we hadn’t left John’s side.

I had been holding John’s hand for hours by then, and after a few minutes, when the light and colors and radiation were most intense, I looked at his face, which had a soft, pain-free, peaceful expression on it and heard him quietly exhale. He was gone. It was as if his soul took flight and was absorbed into the light, into the arms of the angels or cosmic beings or whoever it was that was there with us. My sister whispered, “Is that it?” I said, “Yes.” And, it was. We just looked at each other, with tears streaming down our faces, in awe of what had just occurred.

Today is Wednesday and it is green. It was on a Wednesday that I realized my husband would be gone by dawn the next day.