Words of Comfort for the Elderly, the Sick and the Dying + Practical Resources: Symptoms of Grief in the Dying and the Bereaved

  
    I have lost track of the number of people I know who are dealing with sudden illnesses and loss of family, friends and loved ones, or who are taking care of elderly parents these days. Regardless of their spiritual beliefs, a common thread that ties everyone together is what to say when their loved ones express their fears or concerns about what happens after they pass--and, even what to say to themselves during such stressful times.  

    Many, of course, have great faith and no doubt in their hearts that they will be going to heaven to be with Jesus and/or their family members who have gone before them; or to a place of peace and rest. 

    But, not everyone is so sure.  Even folks who have studied the teachings of the Ascended Masters for years might have moments of panic, fear or doubt:

 ~What if they don't ascend?
 ~What if they don't see the angels when they come?
 ~What about the spouse and loved ones they leave behind?
 ~What if they have to reincarnate?

     These are all legitimate questions and deserve comforting, truthful answers. Wondering exactly what a minister would recommend in such situations, I contacted a friend of mine who is a minister and counselor with years of experience. Here are some of the highlights of what she shared with me:

  You can tell a person that "He/she is in God's hands and that God has everything mapped out for them and their spouse. God has it all planned out. And, if they're familiar with the Hail Mary*, it is also a comforting prayer."

    Simple and comforting words---yet, something that might not come to your mind when you are in the middle of such a situation. It takes the guesswork out of it for the family member/caretaker and puts the person right back where they came from--the heart and hands of the Lord.

    With that inspired advise in mind, below are several affirmations that might be helpful to print on a regular 3x5 blank index card and offer--or have available--for family members, friends, or even yourself in times of need. Just reading through the cards several times a day may be most comforting, and strengthen the one-on-one connection of the heart and soul of those in need with the heart and Spirit of the Creator:

• I AM in God's hands. 
• ____ and I are in God's hands. 
• I AM grateful! 
• God has everything mapped out for me. 
• God has everything mapped out for ____ and me. 
• The Will of God is good. 

Many thanks to my minister friend for her advice!



*Traditional Hail Mary or:

    Hail, Mary, full of grace.  The Lord is with thee.  Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.  Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sons and daughters of God, now and at the hour of our victory over sin, disease and death. (How to Work with Angels, page 77).



Attribution.

[Updated:  1.4.2020]



PART II: RESOURCES:  Updated 1.5.2020 from April 30, 2015 post:

   
      If you or a family member are dying or are bereaved, consider checking out a few of the links below for articles, books and websites about the symptoms of different kinds of grief, including anticipatory grief and prolonged grief, and grief resources for adults, children and families.

Excellent Article:

Help Guide: Coping with Grief and Loss, (1.5.2020):


From Hospice Education Institute, 4.30.2015 (now closed):
   

“Dying involves the gradual adjusting to a whole series of losses and disappointments. Each loss causes grief. Very often the earlier losses are harder to cope with than dying itself.” (Colin Murray Parkes)

 “The loss of a loved person is one of the most intensely painful experiences any human being can suffer.” (John Bowlby)

*One good memory can replace years of bad memories.

*The events around the time of the death will affect the family in their grief and in future life crises.
*The tasks of grieving.
*Grief and the family.
*Grief and children

~From Recover-from-Grief.com

*Signs and symptoms of grief:  Physical signs and symptoms:  "I'm exhausted!"
*Normal effects of bereavement:  Emotional effects of bereavement:  "Are you sure I'm not going crazy?"
*Social changes:  "Where are all my friends?"
*Effects of bereavement:  "So, where was God in all of this?"
*Weird and unusual grief experiences:  "Is this bizarre, or what?" (Thinking you hear, smell or feel someone; developing his or her mannerisms or behavior.)
*When to get help:  "Do I need help?"  
*Warning signs:  Get help if this describes you!


~From WebMD

*Short list of symptoms of grief and grieving in children under age 7; in children between the ages of 7 and 12; teens and adults.


~For those who have lost a parent, family member or friend during infancy, childhood or youth, I highly recommend Never the Same, Coming to Terms with the Death of a Parent, by Donna Schuurman, Executive Director of the Dougy Center, the National Center for Grieving Children and Families, whose website offers excellent resources for grieving children and families, with Tip Sheets, podcasts (Grieving through Mother's Day), support groups, etc. fir those suffering from the loss of parents, family members or friends.

Attribution.

Original post 5/8/2012

Updated: 10/25/20